i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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