yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
