If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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