She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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