Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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