its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
