tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
