I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
