he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
