you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
