Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
