Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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