If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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