My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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