Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
