I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
