What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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