You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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