I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
A bitchslap is in order.
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