Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
