He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
