How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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