I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Randomize
