Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
