i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
