every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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