Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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