apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
