Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
