so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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