Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
