Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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