I think scott just propositioned me for sex
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
