I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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