The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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