Ketchup is God's man juice
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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