I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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