The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Mom said you looked used
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
