Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
