5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
