4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
