so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
