It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
