when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
