plz talk dirty to me
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
