I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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