I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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