So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
