she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
