There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The power of my boobs compel you
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
