I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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